July 30, 2014
A lot of us look at a bed mattress and instantly think of sleep. While that mystifies you, you’re also bitter towards the display of unbelievable feat. You can’t reach that, so how dare they? Don’t they know you’re an insomniac?
Being one, no matter how you will yourself to sleep, you just can’t. From a necessity, sleep then becomes a luxury to you. And every time you are able to sleep well, it baffles you even more—because you’re not supposed to. The trick is that, well, you’re an insomniac.
Your instinct tells you to resort to sleeping pills, but you know that they’re not a healthy option whatsoever. You want to get yourself dreaming of castles and celebrities again—and fast. Since you’re ready to explore new options, why not try ridiculously long films? These are a few to get you going:
You know the story, you’ve heard it before. And now with the intent of beating your insomnia, relive Victor Hugo’s classic! Don’t worry because it’s not the overhyped adaptation you’re tired of, with the musical antics and fancy language—because it’s a silent film. The music is a mellow instrumental while conversations are flashed and read on the screen. That’s six hours of silence in black and white—much like reading the novel.
Don’t flinch yet, because this is the safest and tamest orgy you’re going to watch in your lifetime. This film is a compilation of various clips from the 1950s and 1960s. In other words: a black and white extravaganza of randomness following no plot structure. And for seven hours, that’s a sure snooze fest! It feels just like a rainy Saturday best spent channel surfing on your couch—or history class, with all the black and white!
The film shows nothing but the Empire State Building, in one angle, over one whole night—that’s eight hours and five minutes for you, viewer! It’s the same as watching the famous Sleepless in Seattle Empire State Building scene a good 194 times, which you might think is good but isn’t because it’s sure to keep you up all night—sobbing. As if Warhol’s Empire won’t.
Three things: documentary, war, and perception. Yes, another history class lesson. It takes place in different continents, presenting ordinary peoples’ views on nuclear warfare, the military, and poverty. As striking as that is, nearly fifteen hours of following the lives of various characters is sure to make you pray for sleep to come. That’s if the narrator’s mellow voice doesn’t do its magic.
You’re literally watching time go by in this film. It’s another montage marathon to make the list, a collection of various clips that show the passing of time every minute, starting from 2:18 one day and ends at 2:18 the next day. It’s literally watching time go by—for a day. Your doctor may have told you that watching time go by isn’t good for you, but this film is different. It gets you asleep faster than you can count to ten.
Imagine browsing YouTube for two days straight without pause or break. That’s actually fun—if pitted against watching this film. This underground film is composed of found footage, and follows no plot. But that’s not the main point that puts this film in the list; it’s exactly that it’s The Longest Most Meaningless Movie in the World, which runs for 48 hours. You may be the only person who is happy it surfaced from the underground.
Hey, look! It’s for you! The title itself is the answer, but just so you’re not convinced yet, I’ll give you this: it’s footage of a poet reciting his 4,080-page poem, interwoven with heavy metal and explicit footages. If in three days you’re still not asleep, well you may either be bionic or a vampire.
You may try any of these films or all of them. One thing’s for sure, however, you are sleeping after watching any of these films. Consider yourself insomniac no more.